Stonewall & the Sack Exchange: America’s Best Team You Refuse to Rank.

Stonewall & The Sack Exchange: America's Best Team You Refuse to Rank.

📌 Disclaimer: The following post is a work of fiction created for entertainment within the College Football 26 universe. All characters, events, and storylines—including Coach Clay “Stonewall” Merritt, Frankie “The Horn” Calderón, and the UTSA Roadrunners—are fictional and not affiliated with the NCAA, UTSA, or any real institutions.

UTSA 58 – North Texas 0: Roadrunners Dominate, Remain Unranked

Apparently, you need a naval commission to earn a number next to your name. Navy sits at No. 25 in the AP Top 25 with the same 7-0 record, while UTSA just blanked North Texas 58–0 and still doesn’t have a ranking. Maybe the pollsters were busy watching cornhole highlights instead of a Lone Star demolition.

Denton Disaster

This was billed as a trap game. Rumors swirled all week that the Roadrunners were skipping class, missing practice, and believing their own hype. Instead, Coach Clay “Stonewall” Merritt brought his team to DATCU Stadium and turned it into a showcase:

• Total offense: UTSA 413 yards, North Texas 89

• First downs: UTSA 21, North Texas 6

The Mean Green barely crossed midfield until late in the fourth quarter, and the game was effectively over before the first quarter ended.

UTSA Stars of the Night

The Roadrunners’ playmakers turned the “complacency” narrative into comedy:

• QB Owen McCown: 12-of-19 passing, 233 yards, 5 touchdowns – one of the most efficient five-score nights in program history.

• RB John Emery Jr.: In relief of injured starter Robert Henry Jr., Emery delivered 13 carries for 140 yards and 2 rushing touchdowns, plus 2 receptions for 26 yards.

• CB Kaden Meier: Anchored the secondary with 4 tackles and a key interception.

• LB Shad Banks Jr.: Wrecking-ball evening with 4 tackles and 2 forced fumbles.

• DT Cameron Blaylock: 4 tackles, 2 tackles for loss, and 1 sack, pushing his season total to 8 sacks, which leads the American Athletic Conference.

That isn’t depth; it’s a defensive cartel.

North Texas Struggles

To be polite, the Mean Green endured a long night:

• QB Reese Poffenbarger: 6-of-10, 23 yards, 1 interception.

• QB Drew Mestemaker: 4-of-8, 26 yards in the second half.

• RB Shaddie Clayton-Jones: Managed fewer rushing yards than letters in his name—9 carries for single-digit yardage.

It was that kind of game.

Poll Voters, Pay Attention

UTSA is 7–0, undefeated against Texas opponents, and owns three shutouts of 55+ points (Maryland, Texas State, and now North Texas). Quarterback Owen McCown leads the nation in touchdown passes. The defense just held an AAC opponent under 100 total yards.

Yet Navy, also 7–0 in the same American Athletic Conference, is ranked No. 25 while UTSA remains unranked. If burnt orange is the only Texas shade voters can see, it’s time to adjust the contrast.

What’s Next: Bye Week Sim & Tulane Preview

The schedule lists a bye next week, but Rise of the Roadrunners never rests. We’ll simulate the bye so fans don’t miss a beat. The next live-action episode brings the Roadrunners home to the Alamodome to face the Tulane Green Wave in a pivotal American Conference matchup.

Subscribe to the Far End of the Bench YouTube channel and bookmark feotbpod.org to catch every update, highlight, and behind-the-scenes feature.

Final Word

Seven games, seven wins, three shutouts, and zero respect from the national polls. UTSA is the best team in the country without a number.

America, we’re not asking for a parade—just a ranking. See you in the Dome.