Thank You, Sir! May I Have Another?! — Rise of the Roadrunners

Thank You, Sir! May I Have Another?! — Rise of the Roadrunners

📌 Disclaimer: The following post is a work of fiction created for entertainment within the College Football 26 universe. All characters, events, and storylines—including Coach Clay “Stonewall” Merritt, Frankie “The Horn” Calderón, and the UTSA Roadrunners—are fictional and not affiliated with the NCAA, UTSA, or any real institutions.

The Loudest Quiet 8–0 in America

Seven wins weren’t enough. A statement victory at Kyle Field wasn’t enough. A 58–0 home demolition of Maryland wasn’t enough. The pollsters kept UTSA off their ballots, and the Roadrunners responded the only way they know how—by blowing the doors off another conference “contender.”

Saturday night in the Alamodome, the disrespected Roadrunners shredded the Tulane Green Wave 83–0. The Dome was deafening, the Southwest Sack Exchange was cashing checks, and the country just ran out of excuses.

Scene-Setter: Dome, Disrespect, and Domination

Both teams entered fresh off a bye week. Tulane strutted in after upsetting a ranked Army squad. UTSA arrived at 7–0, still unranked, carrying a Texas-sized chip on their shoulder. Forty-five thousand strong packed the Dome, and by the end of the first quarter the building sounded like a rocket launch.

Lightning Recap

First Quarter – The Avalanche

• Opening drive: Owen McCown hit De’Corian Clark on a precision strike to set the tone.

• Key Play of the Night: Special teams turned predators. #15 Tyan Milton delivered a highlight-reel hit on the kick returner, and backup running back John Emory Jr. scooped the loose ball and sprinted to the house.

• By the end of the quarter UTSA led 28–0, and Tulane already looked shell-shocked.

Second Quarter – No Throttle

• McCown kept carving, dropping dimes to Devin McCuin and Robert Henry Jr.

• Halftime score: 42–0, with the crowd still chanting for a national ranking.

Third Quarter – Business Trip

• Senior leader Willie McCoy hauled in a 30-yard touchdown while Henry Jr. pounded the rock.

• Vic Shaw and the Southwest Sack Exchange feasted, racking up quarterback hits like frequent-flier miles.

Fourth Quarter – Salt the Earth

• Backups closed the shutout. The scoreboard finally froze at 83–0, the loudest statement yet in this unbeaten season.

Team Comparison Snapshot

Numbers don’t lie, and these scream domination.

Tulane’s Reality Check

The Green Wave left San Antonio drenched and humbled.

• QB Kadin Semonza: 1/2, 13 yards, sacked 2 times before leaving late in the first quarter.

• QB Joshua Brantley: 8/13, 90 yards, sacked 8 times behind a collapsing line.

• RB Arnold Barnes II: Coming off 102 yards vs. Army, finished with –2 rushing yards.

• WR Tre Shackleford: Lone bright spot—5 catches, 51 yards.

UTSA Stars of the Night

Offense

• QB Owen McCown – Surgical: 17/19, 232 yards, 6 passing touchdowns.

• RB Robert Henry Jr. – The “Guard Dog in Cleats” returned from injury with 13 carries, 118 yards, 2 rushing touchdowns, plus 4 catches, 70 yards, 2 receiving touchdowns. Four total scores in a comeback masterpiece.

• WR Willie McCoy – Senior leader stepped up for a banged-up David Amador II (2 early catches) with 4 receptions, 82 yards, 1 touchdown.

• WRs De’Corian Clark & Devin McCuin – Combined for 3 touchdown receptions, keeping Tulane’s corners in a constant backpedal.

Defense

• Kendrick Blackshire & Shad Banks Jr. – The best linebacker tandem in the nation: 14 tackles, 4 tackles for loss, 2 pass breakups.

• Vic Shaw – Commissioner of the Southwest Sack Exchange – 3.5 sacks, 5 tackles for loss, a one-man demolition crew.

Special Teams: Daylight Robbery

Tyan Milton’s crushing hit and John Emory Jr.’s scoop-and-score set the tone. Kick coverage smothered Tulane all night, forcing miserable field position and another turnover.

Frankie’s Film Notes

Tulane’s offensive line couldn’t block a gust of wind. UTSA mixed man and zone coverages so well that half the sacks were “coverage sacks.” Every snap looked like an NFL audition for the Roadrunner front seven.

What It Means

UTSA is now 8–0, perfect in American Athletic Conference play, and already owns a road win over Texas A&M and a home rout of Maryland. If that résumé doesn’t earn a national ranking, the pollsters are admitting they’re not watching football.

Final Word — Frankie’s Hammer

“Pollsters, your alarm clock’s ringing. This is the loudest quiet 8–0 in America. Keep sleeping—we’ll keep setting alarms.”

The Roadrunners just issued another thank-you note to every team that doubts them: Thank you, sir. May we have another?